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<p align="center"><img src="http://i.somethingawful.com/fetish/hot-left.gif" width="200" height="75"></p>
<p align="center"><font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif"><strong>BACK
TO BACK<br>
<font color="#ffff00"><em>OFFICE CHAIR ACTION!!!<br>
<br>
</em></font></strong></font><a href="http://www.severedties.com"><img src="http://i.somethingawful.com/fetish/sidebar-left-chairs.jpg" border="0" width="200" height="200"></a><br>
<font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" color="#ff0000" size="-2">These
bad boys recline JUST FOR YOU!</font><font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size="-2"><br>
<br>
</font><font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif"><strong>DRINKING
GLASSES<br>
<font color="#ffff00"><em>AT AWKWARD ANGLES!<br>
<br>
</em></font></strong></font><a href="http://www.severedties.com"><img src="http://i.somethingawful.com/fetish/sidebar-left-glass.jpg" border="0" width="200" height="200"></a><br>
<font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" color="#ff0000" size="-2">It's
gonna tip... OR IS IT?!?</font></p>
<p align="center"><font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif"><strong>IBUPROFEN
WITH<br>
<font color="#ffff00"><em>POTENTIAL ENERGY!!!<br>
<br>
</em></font></strong></font><a href="http://www.severedties.com"><img src="http://i.somethingawful.com/fetish/sidebar-left-kinetic.jpg" border="0" width="200" height="200"></a><br>
<font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" color="#ff0000" size="-2">All
that energy stored up JUST FOR YOU!</font></p>
<p align="center"><font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif"><strong>VCR
COUNTERS<br>
<font color="#ffff00"><em>READING ONE SECOND!<br>
<br>
</em></font></strong></font><a href="http://www.severedties.com"><img src="http://i.somethingawful.com/fetish/sidebar-left-vcr.jpg" border="0" width="200" height="200"></a><br>
<font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" color="#ff0000" size="-2">In
just ONE SECOND you'll be SPENT!</font></p>
<p align="center"><font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" color="#ff0000" size="-2"><a href="P169@YAHOO.COM"><img src="http://i.somethingawful.com/fetish/signup.gif" border="0" width="200" height="75"></a></font></p>
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<td><a href="http://www.severedties.com"><img src="http://i.somethingawful.com/fetish/bannerad.gif" border="1" width="468" height="60"></a></td>
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<font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" color="#ff6600" size="+1"><a href="P169@YAHOO.COM">SIGN
UP NOW FOR A FREE* ONE YEAR** MEMBERSHIP***!!!</a><br>
<font color="#000000" size="-2">* $19.95 per month<br>
* One year = one month<br>
* Membership = "we steal your car"</font></font><br>
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<div align="center">
<a href="http://www.severedties.com"><img src="http://i.somethingawful.com/fetish/title.gif" border="0" width="574" height="127"></a><br>
<a href="http://www.severedties.com"><img src="http://i.somethingawful.com/fetish/main.jpg" border="0" width="600" height="500"></a>
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<p><font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" color="#ff6600" size="+1">That's
<strong>RIGHT</strong>, we here at </font><font color="#ffcc33" face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size="+1"><strong>P169.NET</strong></font><font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" color="#ff6600" size="+1">
are unable to afford things like <strong><font color="#ffcc66">FOOD</font></strong>
or <strong><font color="#ffcc66">DRINK</font></strong> or <strong><font color="#ffcc66">WATER</font></strong>
or <strong><font color="#ffcc66">HEROIN</font></strong>
because <strong><font color="#ffff66">THERE IS NO WAY TO
MAKE MONEY FROM THE INTERNET!</font></strong> So we decided
to turn <strong><font color="#ff0000">THIS WEBSITE</font></strong>
into the <strong><font color="#ccffff">INTERNET'S FIRST HOT,
BORING FETISH SITE!</font> SEX</strong> is the only goddamn
thing that <strong><font color="#ff9933">GENERATES MONEY</font></strong>
in this <strong><font color="#ff3333">GOD-FORESAKEN
WASTELAND OF LIES,</font></strong> so we're finally <strong><font color="#ffff00">CASHING
IN</font></strong> and hoping to earn <strong><font color="#66ff66">ACTUAL
MONEY</font></strong> instead of <strong><font color="#66ffcc">PROVIDING
FREE CONTENT</font></strong> to people who <strong><font color="#ffcc66">INCESSANTLY
COMPLAIN</font></strong> about the quality of their <strong><font color="#ff9966">FREE
CONTENT!</font></strong> Welcome to the <strong><font color="#ff9900">HOT,
BORING FETISH SITE</font></strong> where we'll <strong><font color="#ffcc00">TEASE</font></strong>
and <strong><font color="#ffcc00">TANTALIZE</font></strong>
you with such <strong><font color="#ffcc66">HIGHLY
NON-EXOTIC</font></strong> fetishes as:</font></p>
</div>
<blockquote>
<p><font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size="+2">-
IRAQI CHILDREN with AMERICAN FRUIT AND VEGETABLES! <font color="#ff0000"><em><a href="http://www.somethingawful.com/fetish/example-iraqi.htm" target="_blank"><strong>(click
HERE for a FREE PREVIEW)</strong></a></em></font><br>
- DOWNLOAD STATUS BARS constantly stuck at 57%! <font color="#ff0000"><em><a href="http://www.somethingawful.com/fetish/example-status.htm" target="_blank"><strong>(click
HERE for a FREE PREVIEW)</strong></a></em></font><br>
- WIFE COUNTING; just HOW MANY WIVES does THAT GUY HAVE? TRY
to COUNT THEM ALL!<br>
- CIVIL WAR HISTORY TEACHERS captured by APE MEN!<br>
- DUST IN or AROUND dining room TABLES!<br>
- MEN using COMBS they found AT THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN
while a SQUID FLOATS BEHIND THEM!<br>
- SQUIRRELS in HATS!<br>
- FANTASIES of a TAX REFUND!</font></p>
</blockquote>
<div align="justify">
<p><font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" color="#ff6600" size="+1">Once
you get a <strong><font color="#ffcc33">TASTE</font> of the <font color="#ffcc66">RAW
ACTION</font>,</strong> you'll <strong><font color="#ff9999">NEVER
WANT TO GO BACK</font></strong> to your <strong><font color="#ff9966">MISERABLE</font></strong>
and utterly <strong><font color="#ccffff">PATHETIC</font></strong>
life of <strong><font color="#ffcc33">HORRID SQUALOR!</font></strong>
So <a href="P169@YAHOO.COM">SIGN UP NOW while MEMBERSHIP IS
ABSOLUTELY 100% FREE*</a> and <strong><font color="#ff6666">DO
SOMETHING RIGHT</font></strong> for once in your life!<br>
<em><font color="#000000" size="-2">* Membership costs
$19.95 per month or possibly more if we decide to bill you
more for no apparent reason.</font></em></font></p>
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<p><font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size="-1"><strong><a href="P169@YAHOO.COM">©
2003 P169.NET'S House of HOT BORING FETISH ACTION</a></strong></font></p>
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<p align="center"><img src="http://i.somethingawful.com/fetish/hot-right.gif" width="200" height="75"></p>
<p align="center"><font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif"><strong>HOT
HOT HOT<br>
<font color="#ffff00"><em>STACKED BOXES!!!</em><br>
<br>
</font></strong></font><a href="http://www.severedties.com"><img src="http://i.somethingawful.com/fetish/sidebar-right-boxes.jpg" border="0" width="200" height="200"></a><br>
<font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" color="#ff0000" size="-2">Stacked
with RAW SEXUALITY!</font><font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size="-2"><br>
<br>
</font><font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif"><strong>CAT TOYS<br>
<font color="#ffff00"><em>OUT OF REACH!!!</em><br>
<br>
</font></strong></font><a href="http://www.severedties.com"><img src="http://i.somethingawful.com/fetish/sidebar-right-cattoy.jpg" border="0" width="200" height="200"></a><br>
<font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" color="#ff0000" size="-2">He
can't grab it... CAN YOU?!?</font></p>
<p align="center"><font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif"><strong>SMOKE
DETECTORS<br>
<font color="#ffff00"><em>WHICH MAY NOT WORK!<br>
<br>
</em></font></strong></font><a href="http://www.severedties.com"><img src="http://i.somethingawful.com/fetish/sidebar-right-detect.jpg" border="0" width="200" height="200"></a><br>
<font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" color="#ff0000" size="-2">There's
a fire... IN MY PANTS!</font></p>
<p align="center"><font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif"><strong>HALLWAY
DOORS<br>
<font color="#ffff00"><em>THAT ARE UNLOCKED!!!<br>
<br>
</em></font></strong></font><a href="http://www.severedties.com"><img src="http://i.somethingawful.com/fetish/sidebar-right-door.jpg" border="0" width="200" height="200"></a><br>
<font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" color="#ff0000" size="-2">You've
got the key to unlock HOT ACTION!</font></p>
<p align="center"><font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" color="#ff0000" size="-2"><a href="P169@YAHOO.COM"><img src="http://i.somethingawful.com/fetish/signup.gif" border="0" width="200" height="75"></a></font></p>
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