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How ya'll is? Man, is it December already?? DAYUM TIME FLIES... This month I felt it fitting to re-run a Holiday classic that my buddy Shey and I re-wrote a few years ago, you know, to make it more..uuumm....OURS!!! I say re-run, I take that back, consider it a new Christmas tradition, like TNT playing "A Christmas Story" for 24 straight hours....I tell you what, if that movie right there doesn't sum up the Christmas spirit in an hour and a half, I don't know what does!!And now, without any further hullaballoo and presented in it's entirety, commercial free.........A MINITRUCKIN CHRISTMAS!!!!!'Twas the show before Xmas, when all through the parkNot a creature was stirring, not even the drunk, MarkThe chamois were hung by the campfire with care,In hopes that St. Nick would soon drag by there;The crew was passed out, some even by their beds,While visions of nekked hotties danced in their heads;And my girl in her nightie, and I in my drawers,Had just layed down and begun to snore,When out by the trucks, there arose such a clatter,I fell out of the bed, and couldn t see what was the matter. Away to my ride I flew like a flash,Tore open the door and scooped up my stash.The moon glistened off of the dew on my hood,Gave the lustre of mid-day, damn it looked really good,When, what to my bloodshot eyes should appear,But a doordraggin crewcab, with 8 exotic dancers in the rear. With a little old driver, so lively and quick, I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick. Laying with hydros his coursers so tame, And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;"Now, KITTY! now, SUNSHINE! now, SPARKLES and KANDI! On, LUSCIOUS! on RAVEN! On MISTI, and BRANDY!! To the top of the cab! to the top of the shell! Now drag away! drag away! drag away, he yelled.As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,So up to the main stage the dancers did go,With the sleigh full of goodies that St Nick towed. And then, in a twinkling,
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I heard on the tonneau,The prancing and pawing of each girls stiletto.As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,Up on the stage St. Nicholas did bound. He was dressed trimmed in fur, from his head to his foot, And his clothes were all garnished with gold and loot; A bundle of trophies he had flung on his back, And he looked like a pimp, about to unleash a smack.His eyes -- how they were glazed! His dimples how merry!His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,And the beard of his chin was as white as new fallen snow;The stump of a blunt he held tight in his teeth,And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;He had a broad face and a big beer belly,That shook, when he laughed and his breath was smelly.He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old pimp,And I snorted when I saw him, he walked with a limp;A wink of his eye and a twirl of his cane,Soon gave me to know I was part of the game;He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,And filled all the fishnets; then turned with a jerk,And laying his finger on his switches,And with a twitch, the truck rose 8 inches;He tapped the throttle, the Vortec did whistle,And away they all flew, like a big purple missile.But I heard him yell out, as he drove out of sight,"HOOTERS FOR ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!"Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to one and all from Explicit Concepts and the crew at StreetSourceMag.com! Till next month, hell NEXT YEAR, keep your wheels spinnin' and the beavers grinnin'! Jeff Miller, with help from Shey Cox www.explicit-concepts.com
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