The way I see it....
How ya'll is? It's December, time for the Big Guy to come draggin' onto your roof with tons of goodies for all us boys and girls! I can't believe that this year has passed us by so quickly, seems like only yesterdayI was writing the December 2000 installment of "My So-Called Life.." I mean The Way I See It...lol
So many good things have happened to me this year, I can't even begin to name all of them, nor would I bore ya'll with the gory details! The best gift I am receiving this year, besides a new set of lo-pro tires and a new wallet (Lord knows I need one, the leather is actually flaking off this one...lol), will be the birth of my daughter (insert name after birth). I am giddy as a school girl on this one....and I hope that y'all are as excited about that as I am...hehe
Anyways, I will get off of my high horse now. I was
recently commiserating with my esteemed colleague and collaborator, Shey, when we were reminded of the
"Minitruckers Night Before Christmas.." and I decided
to bring it back on a comeback tour for 2001. I am
also going to toss in a soldiers version of the "Night
Before Christmas.." that I thought was very well
conceived and will bring a tear to your eye.
So without further adieu, here is the "Minitruckers Night Before Christmas.."
'Twas the show before Xmas, when all through the park Not a creature was stirring, not even the drunk, Mark
The chamois were hung by the campfire with care,
In hopes that St. Nick soon would soon drag by there;
The crew was passed out, some even by their beds,
While visions of nekked hotties danced in their heads;
And my girl in her nightie, and I in my drawers,
Had just crashed out, and began to snore,
When out by the trucks, there arose such a clatter, I
fell out of the bed, and couldn't see what was the
matter. Away to my ride, I flew like a flash,
Tore open the door and scooped up my stash.
The moon glistened off of the dew on my hood, and gave the lustre of mid-day, it looked really good,
When, what to my bloodshot eyes should appear,
But a doordraggin crewcab, with 8 exotic dancers in
packed in the rear.
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
Laid out with hydros his coursers so tame,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
"Now, KITTY! now, SUNSHINE! now, SPARKLES and KANDI! On, LUSCIOUS! on RAVEN! On MISTI, and BRANDY!! To the top of the cab! To the top of the shell! Now drag away! Drag away! Drag away, he yelled!
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So up to the main stage the dancers did go,
With the sleigh full of goodies that St. Nick towed.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the tonneau,
The prancing and pawing of each girls stiletto.
As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
Up on the stage St. Nicholas did bound!
He was dressed trimmed in fur, from his head to his
foot, and his clothes were all garnished with gold and
loot; A bundle of trophies he had flung on his back,
He looked like a pimp, about to unleash a smack.
His eyes -- how they were glazed! His dimples how
merry! His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a
cherry! His droll little mouth was drawn up like an
"O", and the beard of his chin was as white as the
snow.
The stump of a blunt he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a broad face and a big beer belly, that shook
when he laughed and his breath was smelly.
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old pimp,
And I snorted when I saw him, he walked with a limp;
A wink of his eye and a twirl of his cane,
Soon led me to know I was part of the game;
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
He filled all the fishnets; then turned with a jerk,
And laid a finger on his switches, A twitch of was all
it took, and the truck rose 8 inches;